Thursday, December 13, 2012

Honesty is the best policy

Can I just be honest with you for a minute?  This is hard.  It is really hard.  I haven't held my baby in a week and I haven't seen my precious Reese in nearly a week.  

When we talk to Reese about adoption we tell him that sometimes Mommys and Daddys can't take care of children and keep them safe so another Mommy and Daddy adopt them to make sure they are safe and taken care of.  I don't feel like I am doing a very good job of that right now.  We are a nine days away from the 4th anniversary of the day Reese joined our family.  December 22, 2008 we received the best Christmas gift we could have ever received.  Reese is a very special blessing.  It brings tears to my eyes just remembering his sweet little voice repeating that back to us, "Reese, what are you?" "A very special blessing".  

Our family is doing a wonderful job of taking care of him while we are away, but I miss him desperately!  

In August he started 4K and, bless his poor teacher's heart, his home life went crazy within a couple of weeks of that.  As if starting school wasn't change enough, he was dealing with parents that were stressed out with a complicated pregnancy.  He started school on Tuesday, August 28th and I was admitted to the hospital on Tuesday, September 4th.  Needless to say, his world has been a little upside down.  

We have been so proud of the progress he has made with his writing and learning to recognize his letters and numbers.  He has done well academically.  Behavior, on the other hand, has had its ups and downs. We have had quite a few notes sent home about times he has not been able to control himself.  It has been so hard to tell if some of this is simply because of our less than normal home life or if he is showing us that there is another problem.  

It has been a struggle to know how to handle the issues that we are having with him.  The calls to us crying and begging for Mommy and Daddy don't make it easier.  His prayers break my heart.  "Please make Charleston not so far away."  As much as our whole family loves Charleston, I have to agree with his prayer.  The seven weeks in NICU were hard, but at least I got to make the 20 minute drive home every night/afternoon and put my arms around my buddy.  The thoughts of being here another full week at the least makes this Mommy more than a little blue.  

I'm praying for some meaningful time with Reese this weekend and for wisdom and peace about how to handle his behavior issues.  I'm also praying for strength to make it through this time.  I'm not supermom and I am reminded of that more and more everyday.  What I have to remember is that I am not supposed to be supermom.  I am supposed to be me and right now me is tired and feeling helpless.  Just a reminder that it is not about me and I am not expected to do this on my own.  

Psalm 121

New Century Version (NCV)

I look up to the hills, but where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lordwho made heaven and earth. He will not let you be defeated.  He who guards you never sleeps. He who guards Israel never rests or sleeps. The Lord guards you.  The Lord is the shade that protects you from the sun.  The sun cannot hurt you during the day, and the moon cannot hurt you at night. The Lord will protect you from all dangers; he will guard your life.  The Lord will guard you as you come and go, both now and forever.

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