A Foster/Adoptive Mom's Take on Toy Story 4

Last week Brinkley saw a commercial and asked to see "the toys" so yesterday I loaded up both boys and took them to see Toy Story 4.

A friend asked my thoughts on it from a foster care/adoption standpoint as she is trying to decide if it is a safe movie for her foster daughter as she often questions why her story doesn't work out the way things do in kid movies.  That was an excellent question, and I wish I would have watched the film with that in mind from the beginning.  Since I didn't intend to examine it from that perspective, I am sure that I will miss some things that may be relevant, but I'll take a stab at it.

*I don't want to spoil anything, so forgive me for being vague about some things.*

As you may know from the last installment of the series, the toy gang has found a new home with a preschooler named Bonnie since Andy moved away to college.  Bonnie leaves the toys for her first day of kindergarten.  She is given the task of creating a pencil holder and in the process creates the newest addition to the gang, Forky.   Forky is created out of some unpleasant circumstances and doesn't see himself as worthy of being loved.  He refers to himself as trash and repeatedly tries to get away from the group and dispose of himself.  Woody is determined not to let this happen and takes on the task of continually monitoring Forky and repeatedly reminding him of his worth to Bonnie.

Forky's insistence on disposing of himself leads to him being separated from the group and of course Woody is on a mission to get him back.  With the support of their friends, the journey begins.  When Bonnie realizes that she has been separated from her new friend, her heart is broken, and she longs to have him back.  Woody, Forky, and their host of friends go through one thing after another to protect Forky and show him his worth.  (Some really creepy dolls that look like ventriloquist dummies are involved.)

There is a lot of talk about lost toys and some sadness shown by those who don't have a kid and want one.  Some of the lost toys have formed their own support system and no longer wish for a single kid but instead have found ways to be with many kids.  Part of the movie is set at a carnival, so the toys that are waiting to be won are in search of their kid.  They desperately want a kid and get angry when Woody and his gang seem to be moving in on their territory.

There are lots of twists and turns and quite honestly, some of them were stressing me out!  I could anticipate what was coming and wanted them to make different decisions so that they didn't create more drama.  I'm not really a high-risk kind of girl.

Woody never gives up on his friend and the gang is all in to help him with his mission.  Through the love and commitment of his new friends, Forky begins to realize his significance.  In the end, everyone ends up in just the right place.  For me, the ending was not what I would have wanted and I may have gasped and been a little too emotionally invested.  I may have even made a comment out loud.  (Like I said, I was a wee bit emotionally invested.)  At the very end, we see a glimpse into the first day of 1st grade where Bonnie brings home yet another creation and Forky willingly jumps in to help this new friend begin the adjustment period.

Personally, there was not anything that was a red flag to me regarding my own foster/adopted child.  I think that Woody's persistence helping Forky to see his worth was an excellent picture of what a supportive family would look like for a kid.  Woody and his friends go to great lengths and never give up despite Forky's efforts to distance himself.  Even when other people told him to give up (including Forky) Woody pressed on.

Every child's story is different.  With that in mind, you will need to think about your child's story.  I feel like this movie portrays the "lost and found" toys in a positive light.  Everything is not neatly tied up in a bow at the end though.  There is a different path than you may expect.  For some kids in care, this may be a more realistic view of what often happens in their situation.  While it was a positive ending, it was unexpected.  Sorry for the vagueness on the ending, but as I said, I don't want to be the spoiler.



Side note, I want to applaud Disney and Pixar for including children and toys with disabilities (even if they were subtle).

A Life Changing Summer

It was the summer of 1999 and I was 20 years younger (and almost as many pounds lighter).  I was in between my junior and senior year of college and eager to make the most of my summer.  I accepted a position at a local church to serve with their youth and kids for the summer.  (What were they thinking hiring a 20-year-old kid to manage other kids?!?!?)  It was a church that I had driven by hundreds of times but had never been inside of and didn't know anyone that attended there.  In a way, I was nervous about the responsibility I had taken on but I was naive enough to think I had it figured out.  

What I didn't know was that I was about to experience the best summer of my life!  

Just as I suspected, I didn't know any of the students or kids, but that changed quickly.  I soon fell in love with the students and many of their families that welcomed me in with open arms.  Relationships formed quickly and some of them were almost effortless.  It was as if we were just meant to be together.  We experienced a lot of things together that summer.  Some of them were funny, some frustrating, and some serious.  

1999 Youth Group

  

 I'll never forget the day that I was handed the keys to the church van for the first time.  I loaded up a hand full of middle schoolers and hit the road for a pool party.  It's a good thing that I was naive enough to be adventurous.  I had NEVER driven a big van before.  I am not sure that the staff or parents were aware of that and it was a good thing we only drove about 10 minutes away.  (Sorry to inform you now parents!)  That van and I became quite well acquainted by the end of the summer.  I even had my first mom moment in that van when I pulled over on the side of the road and had a come to Jesus meeting with some little boys on the way home from a kids day trip.  

There were some tense and frustrating moments at beach camp when a camper from another church made some terrible accusations about me that were blatant lies.  There were times when students shared very deep and personal things about their families and I was able to walk through those situations with them.  I didn't have answers for them, but I did have love and time and that's what I gave them.  

One of my favorite memories from that beach camp.  Macho Man and Gorgeous George.

It was, and still is, a privilege to be trusted to lead and love these kids and students.  It was one of the greatest privileges of my life.  There were some great relationships formed and I have been privileged to be a part of other stages of their lives as well.  I've been to and a part of their weddings, their baby showers, cared for their children, and sadly been through losses with them.  Some of those losses have been their beloved family members and unfortunately, some of those losses have been the students themselves.  

Yesterday I walked into the doors of that church again.  This time was different though.  I wasn't there to see one of my kids married off or there for a shower to celebrate the next addition to their family.  I was there to say a final goodbye and to mourn with one of those families.  Yesterday, I said a final goodbye to the second one of my students.  We lost our friend Robert in 2016 and last week we lost Rebekah.  

Rebekah and I at beach camp.

As I followed her family's Facebook posts on Thursday, I cried and prayed all day for the Lord to intervene and save her from whatever toxin had taken over her body and quickly took her life.  I have cried every day since thinking about the precious life that ended too soon.  

Though I don't understand and doubt that I ever will, I do know that God is a good, good father.  I do know that it is a privilege to be a part of people's lives (the good, the bad, and the hard parts).  Ministry is a unique honor and privilege.  Being trusted to lead and guide people and being given the privilege of being a part of their highest highs and lowest lows is one that I hope I never take for granted.  

Despite the pain, the tears, and the sleepless nights, it's all worth it.  I can't thank that church, it's staff, and those parents enough for the privilege of being welcomed into and trusted in the lives of their children.  Thank you for allowing me this honor.  It was a blessing then to call them my students and is a blessing today to call them my friends.  

The "gang"

*Thank you to Rebekah for the photo album that I treasure.  

Sweet Memories and A Revelation

Scrolling through Facebook this morning I came across this video that my cousin shared.  

This is a story that I am very familiar with, so I found it odd when I began sobbing as I watched.  This is the community that I grew up in and the high school that I attended.  Radio was an everyday part of my high school life.  He hugged me and would sit with me at lunch.  I often shared my lunch with him and I would bake cookies for him.  We had a routine: 1. hug 2. he'd ask "you bake me cookies?" 3. he'd whisper in my ear, "don't tell nobody, you my girlfriend."  

You were guaranteed to see Radio sitting at his desk near the main office taking up attendance cards.  (Yes, we still used real paper and pencils for things in the 90's.)  He was just a part of the package that was attendance at T L Hanna High School.  I love Radio and consider it a blessing to have had him as a part of my high school experience.  

This morning Radio's story hit me differently.  Yes, I had a bond with Radio and enjoyed the times that I have had with him.  Yes, he was one of the bright parts of a high school experience that I didn't particularly enjoy.  There are many things about that not so great experience that I have been able to look at in hindsight and see God's providential hand.  Things that I couldn't see or even imagine as a 13-17-year-old girl.  Well, one of those things just hit me this morning as a 40-year-old woman.  

Who could have ever thought that God was using that experience with Radio to soften my heart to those with intellectual disabilities?  God was planting a seed in my heart that I wouldn't see unearthed for 20+ years.  Those days that I sat and opened his food packages at the lunch table, the days that I leaned in a little more to be able to understand his broken speech, the days that I gave hugs and cheers for his seemingly minor accomplishments, the days that I was just a friend and treated him like every other kid at that lunch table.  Who knew all of those days were just glimpses into what the rest of my life would look like.  

With the help of an unassuming, radio-loving, intellectually disabled man, God was preparing me for a life of loving and fighting for my own intellectually disabled son and those like him.  Radio was just a small stepping stone in finding a passion and purpose in my life.  It may have come long after I walked the halls of T L Hanna High School, but I found it, am running hard to pursue it, and am forever grateful for the seeds that were planted in my heart!  

Super Mom

Several months ago I ordered family shirts from Old Navy.  They were super family shirts and the boys say super kid and mine says, super mom.  While I hear people direct that phrase at me, it is by no means a label that I place on myself.  I really struggled with even buying the shirt for myself (like really struggled!), but I did it knowing I would likely never wear it as more than an undershirt.  To date, I have worn it exactly once and I fought to cover it up that day.  

Pulling it out of the drawer that day was a conscious decision.  It was one that I had to force myself to make.  It was a day that I decided I was going to fight the demons that constantly tell me that I am not enough.  The ones that try to convince me that I am not doing enough for my kids.  The ones that tell me that I need to research a little more and I need to give up this or that to make time for another doctor or therapy visit.  The ones that tell me I am not doing enough at home to help my developmentally delayed child succeed.  The ones that tell me that I should be doing more to help my child that is struggling to pass math and English. The list goes on and on.  Listening to those voices I will never feel I am doing enough things or the right things.  

The day I pulled the shirt out of the drawer was a day that I decided to push back.  I decided that those voices weren't going to win.  I decided to, as I like to call it, fake it til you make it!  The visual reminder that I wore on my chest that day reminded me that I am the mom that these boys need.  I may not make all the right choices and I may leave out some sort of therapy or intervention that would help them.  It's ok!  I was given these boys and I am doing the best I can and that is enough.  They know that they are loved and they are well cared for.  I don't always get it right, but who does?

I am not going to lie, this mom thing is FAR harder than I ever imagined.  Neither of my boys is typical and both require much more support and assistance than your average kid.  Every day is a fight for my boys, their fights are very different but both significant and both more than I will ever feel that I can understand or tackle.  The good news is, that's ok.  There are going to be plenty more days where I have to pull that shirt out and remind myself to fake it til I make it.  With a lot of prayer, wisdom, and a great support system I am going to do the best I can and the Lord is going to take care of the rest.

So tomorrow I'll be pulling out my super mom shirt as we attempt to tackle the latest obstacle on our journey.  At Brinkley's cardiology check-up in December we found that there have been some unexpected changes with his heart.  Tomorrow he will be having some tests at MUSC to help determine exactly what is going on and what our plan needs to be.  

I ask you to join me in praying for wisdom for everyone involved in this process and for the decisions that need to be made.  Please pray for Brinkley's peace and calmness.  As he gets older he is much more aware of what is happening around him and I pray that he will not have anxiety about his care.  

If you see me in my shirt, just remember that I am no super mom, I am the "just right mom" and I am doing my best to step up to the plate and do what I can for these boys to be loved and well cared for.  Until the voices stop, I'll keep praying, keep pulling out my shirt, and keep on faking it until I make it!

Not just one of those days

Have you ever had one of those days?  You know, one of those days when nothing goes right.  One of those days when every little thing is just wrong, wrong, wrong.  Yeah, me too.  

Today was NOT one of those days.  Today was filled with reminders that God cares about me and the things on my mind.  It wasn't a good day, it was a God day.  

I am currently knee deep in planning the Buddy Walk. If you aren't familiar with the Buddy Walk it is an event to promote awareness and inclusion of individuals with Down syndrome.  (You can get details on our website www.tricountyt21.com.)  Event planning is something that I have a knack for and enjoy.  Fundraising, however, is not something that I am good at.  That's the toughest part of my job as the founder and Executive Director of a non-profit.  

With the Buddy Walk being about 30 days out there are some loose ends that I have been concerned about tieing up and most of them involve fundraising.  Yay, my favorite (insert sarcasm font here). I prayed about it and decided this afternoon to make a move.  As a leader and communications professional (at least that's what my diploma says) I've learned that you have to articulate what you need and you need to be specific.  So I asked specifically.  I reached out to two people about some of the needs and then I went to social media with a few other specific needs.  Within a few hours, I had nearly all of the needs met or leads on getting them met.  

Those are things that have been hanging over me, but even more so I have had some serious needs for Reese hanging over me.  I reached out last week for help with Reese's needs and got the ball rolling.  Yesterday we had an appointment and again I asked specifically for a need that involved our insurance company.  The doctor and I both were prepared to fight for what Reese needs.  Barely 24 hours later I received a call that we have been approved!  

All I can say, through the tears, is thank you, thank you, thank you!  Lord, you care about me and my stuff, even the stuff that seems insignificant in the big scheme of things.  It matters to me and He cares.  I know He is just as good and loves me just as much on those days when nothing goes right and I'll praise Him in the midst of the storms as well.  Today, though, I will praise Him for a God day.

Beauty from Ashes

Today we had Together Sunday.  This was our first joint service with both of our church campuses together.   Following the service, we had baptism, a meal, and family fun activities.   The best part of the day was seeing three very special kids choose to be baptized.   

We are incredibly blessed to be in a church that embraces the call to care for orphans.   Foster care and adoption are part of the DNA of our church.   On any given week you will see multiple minibusses and 12 passenger vans in our parking lot.   You'll see a rainbow of littles in our kid's department, and you'll see families that look more like It's A Small World than the generic picture frame family.   

Recently,  I had a conversation with a family that adopted a sibling group of four that added some diversity to their family.   I asked about their family's story and how they ended up at our church.   The dad said what sold them was the day that a person at the church asked if the kids were adopted.   He said yes and the response was, just a matter of fact, "that's cool. "  There was no praise of how awesome it is that they took them in.   The was no talk of what a blessing they must be to the children.   There was none of the typical, "I could never do that."  His kids weren't put on display as "those poor children" that he and his wife swooped in and saved.   

The culture of our church is such that it seems odder to not have a connection to foster care and/or adoption than to have one.   Our people are people that see these kids as kids with a story that need a savior just like every other kid.  They are kids that deserve for us to be uncomfortable to love them the way Jesus loves them.   They deserve for us to put ourselves and our selfish worries aside to see to it that they experience the love of Christ in real and practical ways.  They deserve to not only know the love of Jesus but to know the love of a family. 

That culture is what made today so special.  I watched three precious children, loved by Jesus, loved by their foster and adoptive families, and loved by our church take the next step in their faith.   Bryan baptized a brother and sister who found their forever home with an incredible family in our church.   I watched a foster dad baptize his foster son.   (The foster son that he had the privilege of leading to Christ.)  Yes, there were tears, lots of them.   (The foster family & friends, our staff, and even me. )  

I kept thinking about the scripture in Isaiah that talks about giving the people of Jerusalem a crown of beauty to replace their ashes.   What a beautiful picture of redemption!  These kids, through no fault of their own, have been put through the fire.  They have been through things no one should ever face because of the careless choices of others.   Their lives are forever changed but praise God, their ashes have been traded for crowns of beauty.   All because these families were willing to be uncomfortable and get their hands dirty.

Here's To A New Year!

While taking Brinkley to school this morning I heard a clip from Tony Evans and wanted to share the story.  You can find it in several of his books.  I am quoting this from his book Tony Evan's Book of Illustrations. 

My son came to me one day and asked me to accompany him to the gym.  He told me that he wanted to show me something.  He was about 11 years old and barely five feet tall.  He wanted to show me that he could dunk!  I had to see this!

I took him over to the gym and he bounced the ball, approached the goal, and cupped the ball under his hand in preparation.  My eleven-year-old son, barely even five feet tall went up and dunked the basketball.  It was an amazing sight... until I realized how he did it.  

Before we went to the gym, he called and asked the maintenance man to lower the goal.  The standard had been lowered.  I had the guy raise the standard back to its correct height.  I explained to my son that the goal should not be lowered so that he can meet it, but that he continue to work hard to meet the standard.


Wow!  How many times do we lower the standard for momentary satisfaction rather than continuing to work hard to meet the ultimate standard?  This along with a quote recently posted on Instagram by David Crowder have become my motivation for 2018.  

Here's to a year of influencing the world by not settling for the lower standard!  

Day 5: 5 Days of Brinkley

Year 4 has was full of surprises as he grew and matured in so many ways.  He headed back to preschool for the second year and first official full year of 3K.  The highlight of the year was our very first family trip to Disney World!  The Toy Story ride was his favorite.  Llama Llama Red Pajama was a hit for Halloween.  Brinkley on the shelf made his return.  The new year brought some challenges as we unexpectedly faced surgery to replace his damaged pacemaker.  He took it like a champ and rocked that surgery with a short hospital stay.  We enjoyed a couple of stays at the beach where he found his happy place with his toes in the sand.  His personality started coming out in big ways and he proved he is the king of mischief in this house! If you are keeping score the hospital count is now 36 weeks and 9 surgeries.  

Day 4: 5 Days of Brinkley

Year 3 Brinkley learned to walk on his own (without his walker) and started preschool for the first time. We had the privilege of becoming a "miracle family" for Children's Hospital and representing the hospital all over the region. We met some wonderful folks including the Furman Men's Lacrosse team who quickly became his buddies and lead him to love all things Furman. We made our first trip to NYC to see him featured on the screen in Time Square and walk in the NYC Buddy Walk. (The subway and meeting his friend Freddie were his favorite parts.) Brinkley on the shelf made his first appearance.  Dr. Brinkley had his g-tube closed and one other surgery. We added a few more weeks of hospital stay to the count. The doctor appointments began to slow down a bit and therapy kept going strong.

Day 3: 5 Days of Brinkley

Year two came with fewer hospital stays (4-6 weeks), lots of progress in therapy, learning to sit and stand on his own, finally eating baby food, and tons more love and snuggles. He graduated from in-home nursing care and we started using aid services. We still had far more doctor and therapy appointments than I care to count but we spent the majority of our time out of the hospital and had only 2 minor surgeries.

Day 2: 5 Days of Brinkley

Year one included 26 weeks of hospital stay, 2 emergency open heart surgeries, 2 other surgeries, numerous ambulance rides, 2 medical flights, hundreds of doctors appointments (honestly I can't count them all), nearly 100 therapy sessions, more ER visits than I care to count, millions of snuggles & hugs, prayers from all over the world (literally), building an incredible care team, and watching our faith grow. It's not the first year stats that I would have wished for, but it's what the Lord BLESSED us with.

Yes, it was a blessing! We learned the trust the Lord, lean on each other, and to embrace and celebrate every small victory. I learned to see the Lord in the small things and to trust the instincts that He placed inside me. I learned to seek wisdom in ways I never would have otherwise. We built an incredible care team that loves this little guy almost as much as we do. I met some amazing people and have had the privilege to walk alongside them in their journey with their children. I have met wonderful medical professionals whom I have been able to pray with and for and to encourage and love on as they have loved us.

Though it is not what I would have planned or wished for, when we embraced the situation that we were in and asked the Lord to use it, He did! He has been faithful to make this very difficult journey one that is filled with joy. I praise Him for the victories and the lessons learned.

Day 1: 5 Days of Brinkley

Brinkley turns 5 in 5 days so here's to 5 days of Brinkley. Day 1: we welcomed our 3 lb wonder into the world with the help of a team of 10+ people. He was six weeks early due to complications and we had the NICU team ready to help breathe life into a baby they expected to be blue and lifeless. As is his style, he surprised us all and came out loud and proud with no assistance needed. He was quickly whisked away to see cardiology and the team of NICU doctors. I was finally able to see and hold him the next day. He was so tiny! That's half of a cloth diaper covering his entire body.

A New Year and A New Teacher

It's been a while, a long while.  A lot longer than I realized quite honestly.  Sorry about that.  As you know, life happens and right now life is happening really fast for me.  With that in mind, let's get to the point.  

It's back to school time! I, for one, could not be more excited about that.  Both of my boys thrive on structure and routine and I did a terrible job of making that happen this summer so the return of school has been long overdue.  Reese misses his buddies and Brinkley asks, almost daily, for Mrs. Young.  He'll grab his bag and stand at the door saying, "see Mrs. Young."  When I tell him not today his response is always, "I love Mrs. Young."  Well, your wish is about to come true!

Reese starts back tomorrow and Brinkley will have a home visit this week and start back next week.  This year will be a little different for both of my boys so prayers for a great transition are much appreciated.  Reese has spent the last two years with the same teacher and students as they looped together.  He also had the privilege of being in Mrs. Meares class again since she moved from kindergarten to 3rd grade Science.  Change is hard for him and this year will be totally new.  A new classroom teacher and a new Science teacher.  He finished 3rd grade very strong and I am looking forward to seeing how well he is going to do in 4th grade.  

Brinkley will be seeing some changes as well.  He has been in the same classroom the last two years as well.  This year he will be returning to his beloved Mrs. Young's self-contained class for children with developmental delays, but he will also get to experience something new.  I am so excited that he is going to doing inclusion in the traditional K4 class as well.  This is a huge step for him and us.  He thrives in an environment where he is challenged by the model of other children without delays.  I can not wait to see how he grows through this experience.  

Since both boys are moving into new territory with new teachers I thought it would be helpful to introduce the teachers to my boys ahead of time.  I put together these "Meet the Holders" sheets, for lack of a better name.  

Meet Brinkley

Meet Reese

A Poop Standoff

If you know much about Brinkley, you know he is stubborn and quite determined to do things his own way in his own time.  (Anyone follow the apology standoff a couple of months ago?)  This hospital admission has been no different.  

We checked in dark and early Monday morning for his heart cath and we've been here ever since.  The cath went well and they ballooned his right pulmonary artery.  We were admitted for observation overnight.  In the process, we found out that there were some issues that had arisen with the OR and surgeon's schedule so we were on standby for surgery.  It worked out that we were able to get an OR and have the surgery on Wednesday (the original plan was Thursday).  Surgery went well and as planned.  He spent the night in the PCICU (Pediatric Cardiac Intensive Care Unit).  He had some episodes where he would scream out with pain and squirm around like he was trying to get relief from the pain.  This happened periodically over the next few days with most of the episodes being through the night.  (Very little sleep was had by anyone.)  

We determined that these seemed to be related to the fact that he had not pooped since Monday.  The gut may have already been irritated and full when he went into surgery.  The fact that he is so small and the GI tract is so close to the area where they were working made it feasible that he was having severe gas pain.   Add that pain to the pain from the incision (C-section moms you know what I'm talking about) and it was a recipe for disaster.  At the same time, his incision started draining (clear fluid not puss).  The thought was that the pressure from the gas pains may be causing the drainage.  

We started a protocol to remedy the poop standoff.  Apparently, Brink's GI tract is just as stubborn as he is and things have not moved very quickly even with interventions.  Yesterday we finally got a little poop and we've been more than 24 hours without a pain episode.  However, the drainage has not stopped.  It does appear to have drained less in the last 24 hours, but it hasn't stopped.  

The head of cardiology and the attending pediatrician are both pleased with his progress on the general side of things and are ready to send him home.  At this point, we are waiting on the surgeon to feel the same.  Our surgeon is not on duty this weekend so we've been seeing his partner this weekend.  We should see him tomorrow and hopefully get a better idea of what to expect.  

For now, we will continue to wait for some more poop action and the drainage to stop.  In the meantime, big brother is enjoying the beach.  Brink's a little jealous (mom too)!

Sick Kids Strong Moms

This morning I came across a video that I have seen posted several times on Facebook.  This time I actually took the time to stop and watch it and read the accompanying article.  It was so timely for both myself and the friend that had posted it. Take a minute and check it out:

Sick Kids Strong Moms

This is me.  This is so many of the wonderful women that I have met over the last four and a half years.  You may think you know what I deal with on a daily basis and you may think you understand how I feel.  Unless you have walked this journey you have no idea.  Until you've stood before a medical team and made literal life and death decisions about your child and spent weeks and months in the hospital you can't possibly understand the burden that we bear.  Even as a hospital mom or a medically complex mom, we've all traveled different roads.  We may not know the intricacies of each diagnosis but we have an undeniable bond that others will never understand.  

No matter the decisions that we face and the endless doctor visits, hospital stays, surgeries, and medical procedures I would dare say that most of us agree that we have been incredibly blessed.  I know that sounds ludicrous to most people.  How can all of this be a blessing?  First and foremost, look at the incredible miracle that we get to love and hold in our arms each and every day!  

Second, as Christ followers, we get to see God's hand in tangible ways that others may never experience (or pay attention to). God reveals Himself to us in ways that we would not have understood were we in any other situation.  So many times we walk in Abraham's footprints and lay our children down trusting that the Lord is faithful and will do what he has said.  We wait for our ram and we see miracles happen for us and/or in the families around us.  

Third, we have each other!  I wish I had the words to explain to you the incredible blessing that it is to look at another mom and see it.  You don't even have to say a word.  You can see it in her eyes.  She gets you!  She gets it!  Our stories may be different but our hearts are the same.  Her child may be primarily dealing with neurology while I'm dealing with cardiology, but we get it!  I have met some incredible women over the last few years.  They get me, inspire me, and challenge me!  Some of them I've met at the hospital or through other parents.  Many of them I've met at our therapy center.  While our kids are getting their physical, occupational, and speech therapy we get a little therapy of our own.  I look forward to those days each week knowing that, even if for just a short time, I can just be me!  If no other time, for those couple of hours that day someone truly understands and gets me.  I love my support system and look forward to those days all week.  You ladies know who you are and I love you and am blessed and proud to call you friend!

Soapbox: Communication

In the 19th-century and early 20th-century cardboard boxes didn't exist.  Instead, wooden crates were used for shipping goods.  Discarded crates could be found easily in most areas.  These "soapboxes" made great platforms for those who had a message to share. These messages were most often political or religious in nature.  Today's equivalent could be a blog.  

Pardon me while I turn my crate over and step up...

As a high school student, I was a member of the forensics team.  (No, not the CSI-type forensics.  Forensic meaning argumentative or rhetorical.)  I had an incredible coach who made a huge impact on my life.  She was and continues to be one of the most influential people in my life.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about her and use something that she taught me all those years ago.  (Thank you, Gladys Robertson!)  

Ms. Robertson taught me that words have power, a lot of power, and you have to understand how to use them to properly harness that power.  She taught me to love words and research.  (Your words are only as good as the knowledge behind them.)  I never doubted my ability to learn and to communicate effectively with her guidance.  This spurred me on to pursue a degree in communication.  

Maybe it's all the hours and money I spent learning about communication, maybe it's the SJ detail oriented part of me, or most likely a combination of the two but I find communication absolutely vital.   Clear and effective communication is necessary in every aspect of life.  You must communicate to have healthy personal relationships.  If businesses plan to succeed effective communication with employees and customers is crucial.  This is true no matter what industry (the church world is no exception).

My greatest headaches over the last two - three weeks have all stemmed from a lack of communication.  In December our house was broken into and several things were stolen.  I promptly filed all the reports and jumped through all of the hoops that the insurance company asked for to settle the claim.  It was supposed to take 2-3 days for an adjuster to contact me.  After two weeks I called to inquire about why this hadn't happened yet.  Several days later I was contacted.  I had already done everything the adjuster asked about.  Several weeks went by again with no communication and I started contacting them again.  It took several days and calls and emails to several different people to get the adjuster to contact me.  His response, "I have been out of the office."  It's been several more weeks and again no communication.  I am no closer to having this claim settled than I was in December.  And, yes I did pull the "my child is waiting for open heart surgery and I don't need this hanging over me" card.  It did not help.  

In case you are not aware, there is such a thing as an away response on your email.  I get them all them time from other people that say they are away and when to expect a reply or who to contact in the interim.  It is also quite easy to change your voicemail to communicate this information.  Well, Nationwide you have lost this customer.  As soon as this claim is settled we will be dropping your coverage.  We will be dropping our local agent as well due to communication issues.  

In late January, Reese started at a new karate school.  Because of all the wonderful things I had heard in the past about this school I was excited for him to try it out.  We've been there about six weeks now and there has been no consistency with the instructors (a different one a least once a week) and no consistency with the classes.  Last month we showed up for class and the doors were locked and no lights on.  It was a school holiday so I assumed that I missed a memo that they don't have class when there is no school.  Apparently, that isn't the case because they haven't been closed on the holidays since that one.  Last week I drove the 25 minutes (one way) to the karate school both days to find it locked and lights off.  We pay $100 a month for the classes.  They can figure out a way to notify me that there is no class.  Ironically, both times last week I intended to tell them to stop the bank draft because we would not be returning. The company they use for the bank draft won't return my phone calls either.

As if that wasn't frustrating enough, we are still waiting for word about Brinkley's upcoming surgery.  If you have missed that information, his pacemaker is damaged and has to be replaced.  We discovered this in early February but learned that the damage actually occurred in December.  At that time we were given an appointment two weeks out for preliminary tests with surgery to follow later in the week.  Due to Brinkley getting sick the preliminary work was done but the surgery was postponed.  They didn't communicate this to me and I never saw or spoke to a member of the cardiology staff.  After debating if I need to continue to stay in the area of the hospital (3 hours from home) or return to my family I called to find out what the plan was.  At that time I was told the surgery would be postponed two weeks and they would call me to schedule.  The following week we saw our local cardiologist and he didn't know much more than I did so he made a call and put the MUSC doctor on speaker phone.  I was then told surgery would be 6-8 weeks out and they would have a conference about Brinkley later that week.  

On Tuesday of this week, our Greenville doctor called to check in with us.  He made a few calls and called me back later in the day to tell me that the conference didn't happen until Monday and that they needed to clarify something with the surgeon before scheduling.  He was told they would contact me Wednesday or Thursday.  (He is currently out of town.  Imagine that, he told me he would be away and who to contact if I needed something.)   When I hadn't heard anything midday Thursday I started making phone calls to MUSC.  It's Saturday and none of those calls have been returned.  

I am a little more than disappointed with the lack of communication.  At this point my son's tiny heart is not working properly, he is in need of surgery and you can see the effects in his color, oxygen saturations, and his energy level.  If they drag this out until next month we will be pushing the six-month mark since his heart worked properly.  That can not be a good thing.  

Before I step off my crate and return it to the scrap pile let me urge you to communicate.  You can never over communicate!  A simple email or phone call is often the difference between a customer/friend for life and a huge disaster and disappointment.  People deserve to know where they stand (especially if their health or money is involved).  As the service provider, you owe your customers the common courtesy of acknowledging them and your attempts to serve them.  In most cases, they have plenty of other options of providers.  It should be considered an honor that they trusted you enough to choose you.  They are going to be your best advertisement either way.  Good or bad, it's your choice.  Choose wisely!  

Expect the Unexpected

If I have learned anything over the last four years on this journey with Brinkley it's 1) to trust my instincts and 2) expect the unexpected.  

That came in handy today.  Brinkley has been fighting off some type of respiratory crud so I have been checking his oxygen levels regularly (as I typically do during cold and flu season).  Our pulse oximeter no only measures his oxygen levels, it also measures heart rate.  Ideally, Brinkley's oxygen level is somewhere between 98 and 100.  Because of the settings on his pacemaker, his heart rate is usually around 100.  This morning his oxygen was in that ideal range but I noticed that his heart rate was erratic jumping around from the 70's to 130.  

My instincts kicked in and I went through a few steps and contacted his pacemaker specialist in Charleston.  After several calls from various people on her staff I got a call from her main nurse about 12:30.  The nurse said that the cardiologist's office is Greenville was expecting us at 1:00 and told me what they planned to do.  At this point, I knew something was truly wrong.  I told her that I would have to get him from school and couldn't do it by 1:00 but we were on our way.  I soon got a call from Dr. Raunikar, our local cardiologist who was on his way to the airport.  Again, a sign that I was not simply overly concerned.  

After arriving at the office and following the instructions that I was given, we were told that one of the leads of Brinkley's pacemaker is broken.  As a matter of fact, it has been broken since December 9th.  Several more phone calls transpired between various staff and our MUSC doctor and myself and the MUSC doctor.  

The bottom line is that we will be checking into MUSC on Monday, February 20th for open heart surgery number 3 to replace the pacemaker lead and the battery.  There is potential that more may be done but we won't know for sure until some preliminary work is done on the 20th.  Surgery will be later that week.  Please pray for us as we work over the next week to work out all the logistics.  This was definitely not on the radar.  Expect the unexpected.

As you can imagine, this has been a bit overwhelming to say the least.  Earlier in the day I was a mess.  The tears were flowing and the prayers were being lifted.  The Lord has been so faithful to us through each step of Brinkley's journey and I know He isn't finished.  I prayed that I would remember that in spite of the fear that may creep in.  We stopped at a light just a couple of blocks from the doctor's office and the song Overwhelmed by Big Daddy Weave came on.  The tears quickly began to flow again as I heard Brinkley singing along and I listened closely to the words.  It was just the reminder that I needed.   Each time his little voice sang "overwhelmed, overwhelmed by you" I became a little more overwhelmed not by my circumstances, but by His continued faithfulness.  

I'll continue to be overwhelmed and expect the unexpected.  

Report Card Day

Yesterday was report card day.  Report cards are supposed to be a mark of how much a student has learned.  Sometimes those marks make us feel accomplished and sometimes those marks make us feel ashamed.  As a child, I was pushed to be a good student and to show how smart I was by making high grades. I've come to realize that being smart means a lot more than numbers on a report card. 

School was fairly easy for me.  Reading was a skill that I learned early (before kindergarten) and writing came easy.  I could pay attention in class, take notes, and walk away with decent grades with little effort (with the exception of math).  Reese also loves school.  His favorite things about school are science, art, and social studies (as in the study of being social).  Reading has been a struggle for him.  At this point, he doesn't know that he is significantly behind in this skill.  He loves books and enjoys me reading with him.  I am careful about the books that we get and how we read them so that he doesn't get discouraged.  

I have no intention of telling him that he is behind.  I will continue my fight to get to the root of his struggle.  I will continue to read with him and encourage him to find books about things that he loves.  I will continue to be amazed at him.

Today he asked me for $1 from his spending bank for the school bookstore.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays, the school opens the bookstore and all books are $1.  He had a lego book in mind to purchase.  These books are usually a good level for him and he can read them on his own easily.  You can imagine my surprise when this is what he came home with instead: 

He was so proud to show me his purchase.  We enjoy watching the Narnia movies together and I had been considering buying the book set for him.  He opened the book and read the first page to me as soon as we got out of the school parking lot.  It was tough and took him quite a while but he did it.  He asked if he could rewatch the movie to help him understand the names.  I agreed and after homework was finished I helped him start the movie.  

I am so glad that he doesn't know that the numbers and letters on that piece of paper supposedly show how smart he is and somehow magically give him worth (or make him feel worthless).  I know that he is so much more than a number or letter and I will continue to make sure that he knows that as well.  Reading and writing may never be easy for him but so many other things are.  It's my job to help him find those things and nurture those things.  He will always be more than a just a report card.

***I am currently listening to an audio version of the book 8 Great Smarts by Kathy Koch, Phd.  It is great for helping you to discover and understand the ways that your kids are smart and how to nurture those areas.  I encourage you to take a look at the book or listen to interviews with Dr. Koch.  http://www.8greatsmarts.com/

Stones of Rememberance

In the Old Testament God often instructed people to leave visual reminders when He had done something significant in their lives.  In Joshua 4 he had the Israelites leave stones at the Jordan River.  Verse 6 says, "They will be a sign among you. In the future your children will ask you, ‘What do these rocks mean?’" These stones of remembrance were intended to not only remind them but to also remind those that came after them.  

These days the Lord may not tell us to literally leave stones of remembrance but He does give us visual reminders of His faithfulness.  Today Facebook served as one of those reminders to me.  As I was looking at my memories I found this: 

A flood of emotions came over me as I thought about that day.  As if a complicated pregnancy, early emergency c-section, a complicated prenatal diagnosis, and seven weeks in the NICU weren't enough Brinkley decided to surprise us with the need for emergency open heart surgery at eleven weeks old.  There was so much that happened over the next five weeks that would test my faith and prove to me over and over again just how faithful my Lord really is.  (You can find many of my thoughts about that here on the blog in the December 2012 section.)

It was what I saw that I had posted a few hours earlier that day that brought me to tears. Over the last four years, I have thought about that day many times and have reread these statuses many times but it wasn't until today that I noticed this: 

  

I often listen to James McDonald's teaching on the radio and must have been that morning.  This status was followed by a picture taken at Reese's preschool Christmas program rehearsal and a check-in at the cardiologist's office.  

I am certain that I had no idea how significant this thought would become in my life.  I have heard that thought many times.  Sometimes it is worded a little differently, but the sentiment is always the same.  The tears flowed as I thought of all the ways that Brinkley's unexpected journey has been used so far.  To think of how much my life has changed (for the better) is almost overwhelming.  The faithfulness of the Lord never ceases to amaze me. 

While I may have Facebook memories to serve as stones of remembrance for me, Brinkley has the permanent visible scars.  His trunk may be covered in marks and scars but each one is a story.  A story of the faithfulness of my Lord.  A story of the power of prayer.  A story of strength and determination.  A story that will one day be his to share in his own words.  For the time being, I'll continue to share every chance I have.  I'll continue to walk through each door that is opened to walk with other families through their journey. I'll continue to share the tiny bundle of joy and blessing that I am blessed to have call me momma.  I'll continue to share until the day comes that he asks about his "stones of remembrance" and in turn shares on his own.

A Dream Coming True

In September my high school class held its 20th reunion.  I was not able to attend the reunion, but it did stir up a lot of memories of my high school years.  The things that stand out to me the most were the prom, dance recitals, church basketball, my sweet 16 birthday party, and youth retreats.  To this day when I walk into the Anderson Civic Center or the Fine Arts Center at Anderson University the memories flood in of some many fun nights that I shared with my friends.  For many, too many, children these are experiences that they will never have.  Through no fault of their own, they live in circumstances that make these rites of passage unattainable.  

This fact became a reality to me about five years ago.  Our niece was in the 5th grade at the time and was planning for the big field trip to Washington, DC.  We had participated in several fundraisers that she and her classmates were doing to raise the needed money for the trip.  At that time I was involved with a local foster parent association and was responsible for the emails.  An email came to me from a caseworker explaining that a child in care wanted to participate in this trip but the foster mom could not pay the full amount.  The caseworker was asking for assistance to cover the remaining cost for the child.  After reaching out to a few people I was able to get the needed funds and the child was able to participate in what was likely a once in a lifetime experience.  

It was that day that the wheels in my head and heart started turning and a dream was born.  I didn't know when or how, but I knew that someday I would make these dreams a reality for kids in need.  Over the last few years that dream continued to grow and I started putting things down on paper and figuring out how to make it happen.  In February of this year, I contacted a consulting firm and officially started the process.  I reached out to a few like minded people and created a board of directors.  

On September 28, 2016 (Reese's adoption day anniversary) we received official notification from the IRS that we have been approved as a 501(c)3.  It is with great pleasure that I present to you: 

A Night To Remember exists to create positive, memorable experiences that would otherwise be unattainable for children with special needs or living in the foster care system.  Our goal is to provide these children with typical experiences such as birthday parties, scholarships to participate in recreational activities, provide equipment for recreational activities, prom, field trips, youth trips, etc.  

I will gladly share more details with you and tell you how you can be involved.  We are currently building our website and Facebook pages.  You can like our Facebook page and follow us as we take the next few weeks to get ourselves established and prepare to fundraise this winter.  

One way that you can support us is by purchasing a 2017 calendar featuring the very children we are seeking to reach out to.  Our calendar is full of former foster children and children who have special needs.  The calendars are $10 and we will be taking preorders through Wednesday, November 23rd.  Calendars should be available for delivery the first week of December.  The price may increase for calendars ordered after the 11/23 deadline.  Here's a little preview of some of the sweet faces you will be able to admire all year long: