Super Mom

Several months ago I ordered family shirts from Old Navy.  They were super family shirts and the boys say super kid and mine says, super mom.  While I hear people direct that phrase at me, it is by no means a label that I place on myself.  I really struggled with even buying the shirt for myself (like really struggled!), but I did it knowing I would likely never wear it as more than an undershirt.  To date, I have worn it exactly once and I fought to cover it up that day.  

Pulling it out of the drawer that day was a conscious decision.  It was one that I had to force myself to make.  It was a day that I decided I was going to fight the demons that constantly tell me that I am not enough.  The ones that try to convince me that I am not doing enough for my kids.  The ones that tell me that I need to research a little more and I need to give up this or that to make time for another doctor or therapy visit.  The ones that tell me I am not doing enough at home to help my developmentally delayed child succeed.  The ones that tell me that I should be doing more to help my child that is struggling to pass math and English. The list goes on and on.  Listening to those voices I will never feel I am doing enough things or the right things.  

The day I pulled the shirt out of the drawer was a day that I decided to push back.  I decided that those voices weren't going to win.  I decided to, as I like to call it, fake it til you make it!  The visual reminder that I wore on my chest that day reminded me that I am the mom that these boys need.  I may not make all the right choices and I may leave out some sort of therapy or intervention that would help them.  It's ok!  I was given these boys and I am doing the best I can and that is enough.  They know that they are loved and they are well cared for.  I don't always get it right, but who does?

I am not going to lie, this mom thing is FAR harder than I ever imagined.  Neither of my boys is typical and both require much more support and assistance than your average kid.  Every day is a fight for my boys, their fights are very different but both significant and both more than I will ever feel that I can understand or tackle.  The good news is, that's ok.  There are going to be plenty more days where I have to pull that shirt out and remind myself to fake it til I make it.  With a lot of prayer, wisdom, and a great support system I am going to do the best I can and the Lord is going to take care of the rest.

So tomorrow I'll be pulling out my super mom shirt as we attempt to tackle the latest obstacle on our journey.  At Brinkley's cardiology check-up in December we found that there have been some unexpected changes with his heart.  Tomorrow he will be having some tests at MUSC to help determine exactly what is going on and what our plan needs to be.  

I ask you to join me in praying for wisdom for everyone involved in this process and for the decisions that need to be made.  Please pray for Brinkley's peace and calmness.  As he gets older he is much more aware of what is happening around him and I pray that he will not have anxiety about his care.  

If you see me in my shirt, just remember that I am no super mom, I am the "just right mom" and I am doing my best to step up to the plate and do what I can for these boys to be loved and well cared for.  Until the voices stop, I'll keep praying, keep pulling out my shirt, and keep on faking it until I make it!