Monday, September 24, 2012

A Happier Birthday

Two years ago today (my 32nd birthday) I drove into this parking lot with Bryan excited about the surprise we had gotten just eight weeks before.  After nine years of marriage we were finally pregnant!  That excitement didn't last.  Not long after starting the ultra sound the Sonographer left the room and came back with the doctor.  The baby had no heartbeat.  Not exactly my idea of a great birthday.

This morning I drove into that parking lot again, this time for my two week follow up.  It was a much different experience to say the least.  After my exam, I made my way to the hospital to spend time with Brinkley in the NICU.  I couldn't help but think of how thankful I was to be going to the NICU.  Thankful for the NICU?  To most people that probably sounds ludicrous.  No one wants their baby to be in NICU.  But today the NICU was a reminder of God's faithfulness.  

Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."  That is a promise, one that I have always wanted to claim.  My desire has always been to have a family.  God was faithful to bless us with Reese through adoption (we finalized September 28, 2011) but our family still didn't feel complete. 

Losing our first pregnancy seemed like God had forgotten my desire, like He didn't care.  Had I not delighted in Him enough?  Had I not done this or that?  What had I done wrong?  It didn't make sense and I didn't understand why this had to happen to us.  That was such a terrible experience, I didn't think I wanted to try again. 

Leaving that doctors office and driving in to the hospital this morning was a reminder that God hadn't forgotten my desire.  Looking into my sweet Brinkley's eyes in that NICU room was all that I needed to be reminded that my God is faithful.  I would have never imagined when I pulled out of that parking lot two years ago that I would be coming back today the proud mom of a beautiful tiny baby boy.  My quiet day in the NICU today just may be one of my happiest birthdays ever.  

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