Beauty from Ashes

Today we had Together Sunday.  This was our first joint service with both of our church campuses together.   Following the service, we had baptism, a meal, and family fun activities.   The best part of the day was seeing three very special kids choose to be baptized.   

We are incredibly blessed to be in a church that embraces the call to care for orphans.   Foster care and adoption are part of the DNA of our church.   On any given week you will see multiple minibusses and 12 passenger vans in our parking lot.   You'll see a rainbow of littles in our kid's department, and you'll see families that look more like It's A Small World than the generic picture frame family.   

Recently,  I had a conversation with a family that adopted a sibling group of four that added some diversity to their family.   I asked about their family's story and how they ended up at our church.   The dad said what sold them was the day that a person at the church asked if the kids were adopted.   He said yes and the response was, just a matter of fact, "that's cool. "  There was no praise of how awesome it is that they took them in.   The was no talk of what a blessing they must be to the children.   There was none of the typical, "I could never do that."  His kids weren't put on display as "those poor children" that he and his wife swooped in and saved.   

The culture of our church is such that it seems odder to not have a connection to foster care and/or adoption than to have one.   Our people are people that see these kids as kids with a story that need a savior just like every other kid.  They are kids that deserve for us to be uncomfortable to love them the way Jesus loves them.   They deserve for us to put ourselves and our selfish worries aside to see to it that they experience the love of Christ in real and practical ways.  They deserve to not only know the love of Jesus but to know the love of a family. 

That culture is what made today so special.  I watched three precious children, loved by Jesus, loved by their foster and adoptive families, and loved by our church take the next step in their faith.   Bryan baptized a brother and sister who found their forever home with an incredible family in our church.   I watched a foster dad baptize his foster son.   (The foster son that he had the privilege of leading to Christ.)  Yes, there were tears, lots of them.   (The foster family & friends, our staff, and even me. )  

I kept thinking about the scripture in Isaiah that talks about giving the people of Jerusalem a crown of beauty to replace their ashes.   What a beautiful picture of redemption!  These kids, through no fault of their own, have been put through the fire.  They have been through things no one should ever face because of the careless choices of others.   Their lives are forever changed but praise God, their ashes have been traded for crowns of beauty.   All because these families were willing to be uncomfortable and get their hands dirty.

It's A Hard Knock Life

This summer Reese and I have been having a family movie night every week.  So far we have watched The Lego Movie, Big Hero 6, Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day, and tonight we watched the new Annie.  We typically have our movie night on a night that Bryan isn't h ome.  Tonight was no exception, and Bryan would be glad. (He isn't much of a musical kind of guy.)  Thankfully, I am raising Reese right and he can appreciate a good song and dance in his movies and stage productions.  

As we stood in the movie section of the grocery store today I gave Reese three options of movies.  He looked at each one of the boxes, did eeny meeny miney moe, and then clarified "this one has signing?" before choosing Annie.  Secretly, I was really hoping he would pick it as this was one of my favorites as a kid and I have been wanting to see the new version.  I also thought it would be interesting to see his reaction to her being a foster child.   

We became Reese's foster parents when he was six months old and it took us nearly three years to work through the process of adopting him.  We have always talked about adoption with him and made sure that he understands the concept.  He knows that he is adopted and occasionally asks questions about his adoption.  He has two buddies that are also adopted and the same age as him.  He has always been around other adopted kids and their families are open with them as well. 

We have tried so hard to make sure that adoption is a natural and normal part of life for him.  I didn't realize just how normal until he started making comments during the movie. At one point, he started talking about his friend Cadence and asking when she was adopted.  Cadence isn't adopted and it was that moment that I realized that adoption is so normal to him that he thinks everyone is adopted.  I explained to him that Cadence, like Brinkley, isn't adopted. 

When he was taking his shower he started talking about Annie's sisters (the other foster children in the home).  He mentioned the differences in their hair color.  It never occurred to him that those girls weren't actually sisters.  Our family is diverse and again, in his mind every family is that way.  

He asked some questions about foster care and obviously didn't understand the idea.  We talked about it, but I am not convinced that he understood.  I told him about the foster family that he lived with and that we would like to foster children one day.  One negative thing that he took away from the movie was the thought that people "steal" foster kids.  If you are familiar with the plot of the movie you know that at one point a couple claiming to be the birth parents enter the scene and Annie leaves with them.  He took this to mean that all foster kids get stolen and have to be rescued.  

Needless to say, we had some interesting conversation following the movie and I am sure there will be more to come.  The best part of the evening was him asking if we could have another movie night this week and watch the version that I saw when I was a little girl.  Of course we can!  Stay tuned to Annie, take two.

Family-versary

In the midst of our craziness last week I nearly forgot about a super important milestone for our family.  Sunday marked our 3rd family-versary.  What is a family-versary you ask? It's the anniversary of the day that we finalized Reese's adoption and he legally became a Holder.  What a blessing God gave us nearly six years ago when we became the foster parents of the most beautiful six month old baby boy you've ever seen!  It took nearly three years to finalize his adoption, but we never doubted for a moment that he was ours.  The Lord's hand was so evident through the whole journey.  

Our family has changed a lot over the last six years.  The top picture is in the court room just after Judge Anderson declared Reese officially adopted (September 28, 2011).  The next row is the day Reese came home (December 22, 2008) and early 2010.  The bottom row in the day that Reese met Brinkley (September 9, 2012) and just after we brought Brinkley home in November 2012.  

Reese is not only a blessing to us, but he is one terrific big brother!  I love seeing my boys play together.  Their love for each other shows in everything that they do.  Reese has a heart like none other and is constantly thinking of his baby brother.  He always wants Brinkley to be included in the things that we do.  He hurts for Brinkley and worries about him when they are not together.  

Reese is truly one of a kind and I could not imagine our family without him.  He is endearing and one of the most loving children you will ever meet.  I love his heart for others.  He is very kind and compassionate and you can't help but love that sweet southern drawl.  

Mommy loves you Reese and is honored and blessed that God chose us to be your forever family!

It happened

As a parent there are things that you know are coming.  Maybe it's a blow out diaper in public, pointing out someone in a crowd and loudly saying something inappropriate about them, the first day of school, the last day of school, the first girlfriend, or the walk down the aisle.  Some of the things bring fear into our hearts, many bring tears, and all bring a new understanding of our child and a new level in our relationship with them.  When you add the blessing of adoption to that equation it creates several more of these moments.  

At some point adopted children become curious about their beginnings and their birth families.  From the moment you sign your name on the application you begin to anticipate these moments and wonder how you will handle them.  Sometimes you dread the conversations that you know will have to happen when your children come from a tough situation (I've got a few of those that I am not looking forward to).  For me, it happened yesterday.  The first of the questions got asked.

Our church is about 40 minutes from our house and Reese likes to ambush me every Sunday morning with a barrage of questions.  Usually I can answer his questions and feel somewhat confident in my answers.  Other times he asks questions that are far beyond what you would expect from a five year old.  Yesterday was one of those days.  He began the Q & A time with asking if there would be fun things in heaven.  I assured him that heaven would be the most fun place ever to which he responded, "will Jesus take me to Frankie's Fun Park?"  Hoping this would be the end of our theology lesson for the morning he moved on to discussing if the snake in Adam and Eve would be in heaven.  

I tried my best to frame my responses in a way that was clear to him and accurate.  As if that weren't hard enough, then he sprang a big one on me out of the blue.  "Mommy, was I in your tummy when I was a baby?"  What?!  Seriously, you are asking this question now?  He totally ruined the beautiful scene I had in my head of this moment.  He was supposed to ask this question during my pregnancy and as a family we would all curl up on the couch together and read a beautiful story book about how adopted children join their families.  This can't be happening now!  I can't even look him in the face as we discuss this.  What was I supposed to do?

If there is anything that I have learned in my nearly six years of parenting (especially through the last two years) it's that kids are unpredictable and do things in their own time and way.  The best thing that I can do is be flexible and roll with it.  Thankfully, this was one of those moments that we as a family had laid a foundation for so that we could be successful.  

We have talked about adoption since the day Reese came home.  Our goal has always been to be open and honest with him.  Yes, there are things about his birth story that he is too young to understand, but we are honest with the things that are developmental appropriate.  If you ask Reese what it means to be adopted he will tell you that children are adopted when their first mommy and daddy can't take care of them or keep them safe.  They are adopted by a new mommy and daddy that can take care of them and keep them safe.  So when the question came the first thing I did was ask him a question.  I asked him what it means to be adopted.  After he answered I told him that he was in the first mommy's tummy not mine.  He was quite happy with that answer and reiterated what adoption means and moved on to the next topic.  

Not exactly the way I pictured the discussion in my head, but just what he needed.  I know this is a sign that these talks will probably start happening more frequently, but I think I'm ready.  I may not have the perfect answers, or any answers for that matter, but the Lord will give me what Reese needs at that moment.  

If you are an adoptive parent, I would encourage you to talk about the concept of adoption with your child regularly.  That understanding will make responding in these moments so much easier!

Ruined

November has been dubbed National Adoption Month and this past Saturday National Adoption Day.  If you have followed our story very long, you are probably aware that our five year old joined our family through the blessing of adoption.  As we approach the fifth anniversary of the day he came home I can't help but think of the process of becoming a forever family.  Adoption starts long before a child is placed in your arms.  

Over the last couple of weeks a video has been circulating around social media sites.  Last weekend I decided to take the time to watch it and I'm glad I did.  (You can see the video here.)  The tagline on the link I clicked said this, "This couple was ruined" and I couldn't think of a more appropriate way to describe the process.  All the memories of our personal journey came flooding back as I watched.  

Bryan and I were married in the summer of 2001 and knew that we wanted to expand our family with children.  About three years later I was driving through town one afternoon listening to an interview on Focus On the Family.  Mary Beth Chapman was talking about their recent adoption of a baby girl from China and the path that led them to her.  I was stopped at the red light at Concord Baptist Church when the Lord clearly placed a call on my heart.  My eyes filled with tears and there was nothing I could do to stop the flow.  (I'm not a crier!)  

In that moment I understood in a way that is indescribable that I was adopted.  When I was an eleven year old girl The Father adopted me.  I became His and He became mine.  Spiritually speaking, I was an orphan.  I needed a family and a home and there He was offering both to me.  I did nothing to deserve it and nothing to earn it.  It was simply His love and grace that offered me a forever family.  In understanding this, I knew just as clearly that I too was called to adopt.  If The Father has freely and lovingly adopted me, I must do the same.  

A dream was born!  How would I ever convince Bryan that this was God's plan for us?  Where would we ever get that kind of money?  At the time I was working for a non-profit and Bryan was working in the office of a box plant.  We made about $48,000 a year and we were both still paying off college debt.  

I came home that night and told Bryan that I had heard the interview and felt like we should look into adoption and get more information.  He had to think that I was crazy, but he agreed to think about.  ( I think this was his way of trying to appease me and hush me up.)  I was on a mission and started doing my research.  At the time I was set on adopting a baby girl from China.  Neither of us was old enough yet to meet the country's requirements, so I was content to continue researching and convincing until then.  

Fast forward to November 2007.  Bryan was now serving as the youth minister of our new church and I was working in a learning center.  Our income wasn't much different, but I had finished paying off my college debt.  I was still on my mission so when our church hosted an informational meeting about foster care and adoption I talked Bryan into going.  My hope was that some of the information would be similar for international adoption as Bryan now met the age requirements and I was only a few months away.  

I could have never imagined what would happen next.  Bryan and I sat on the front row with our pastor and listened as the gentleman from social services talked about the huge need for foster parents in our area.   At one point I looked over at Bryan and I saw the chin quiver begin.  I knew what was to follow.  Within a matter of moments that quiver had turned into full blown crying.  A few minutes later we were given a bathroom break.  Bryan turned to look at me and began to tell me how the Lord had just spoken to him.  The words were identical to the ones He spoke to me at that red light several years before.  Mission accomplished!  

We finished the meeting and took the paperwork.  As we got into the car, Bryan said that he didn't want to wait.  He felt very strongly that foster care was the route that we were supposed to go.  We started the paperwork and turned it in in January of 2008.  We were officially in the process.  We got the call about Reese in December of that year and about two weeks later he came home to live with us.  

We were ruined!  The realization of what Christ has done for us ruined all the plans we had.  It brought us to His plans for us.  I can't imagine our lives without Reese or the new understanding of true love that we have.  

Many people (including our own family) have mistakenly assumed that we adopted Reese because we couldn't get pregnant.  The truth is, we didn't know if we could or not and didn't care.  Like I said, our plans had been ruined and instead, we got a much better plan.  The Lord showed us His plan and there was nothing else we would have rather done!